Painful Change

I feel like I am watching an early demise unfold before me. I was happy, I thought I was finally able to let go of the past. That was until I saw a message you sent my friend. Suddenly, the sleepless nights and the appetite loss came back. I can't stop the tears anymore.

People say change is good, embrace it and you will be happy. But am I? I feel like my whole life right now is just like a movie, I am not living it, just watching it pass me right by. Yes, people can say, in fact everyone would say it, I made the decision to leave a 5-years' relationship, so I would have to find a way to move on. It feels so hard.

I started dating again. He is really nice to me and he made me feel really special again. But, am I ready for this? It feels like things are moving too fast. I have always been an impulsive person. I just want to do whatever makes me happy at the moment. I could feel something has changed between us. I could hear the deafening silence. I have tried asking him what is wrong, but he gave me no explanation. I could hear the lyrics playing out in real life twice in this year.

"Say something, I'm giving up on you"

It feels like a smoke screen just lifted and I could finally see clearly who I am and what do I really need now.

Kent M Night and Worldfest

My fellow chinese fan dancers

The Kent Malaysian Society definitely created history this year by organizing its very own Malaysian Nighthttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGzgi_CuzaA and performed in Kent Worldfest http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyZUlf8tnqI .

Here I present you, our very own video for these 2 special nights that all the committee members, casts, dancers and props team worked so hard for. Our efforts were certainly paid off with the Gulbenkian Theatre filled almost to the brim, and winning the "Most Professional and Polished" award.

After months of practicing every night until we got so tired, that I could even dance my Chinese Fan Dance in my sleep. That's how much we actually prepared for it. I can't blame Stery, our choreographer for being so strict, because at the end we were well rewarded with a huge applause from the crowd.

New friendships were made and I hope will sustained throughout time.

Ta ta for now.

14th of Feb-Valentines Day

This is the day that you see gypsy girls in their colourful maxi skirts loittering the streets selling heaps of roses to unsuspecting lover boys who are trying to impress their female friends, or loved one.

Guess I fell for that trick as well. I mean, which girl wouldn't swoon at the sight of roses or flowers?

I tried imagining my single days during valentines. I still cant recall why would they ever name this day the "Single Awareness Day". It isn't sad, but just a big annoying reminder that you still haven't found the one yet. Until now, I ain't sure, when will you ever get to know if he is indeed the one?

He brought me to London, tried to impress me by spending me dinner and accompanied me on my trip to shop on Oxford Street. It was really nice of him, but sometimes, sweet intentions just isn't enough to me? (p.s. cuz I found his real purpose(as it seemed to me) was to catch up with his sister more than to celebrate valentines day with me). All in all, he did his best, I got to give him credit for that. But someone has got to tell him, when you are dating a girl, u simply do not bring your sister as well!!!

Curious of what I did for him? Hhehee.. Not much, but just a little video to tell him our story (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UraxobwpG9g), and my feelings during each special moments we shared together as a couple. I made him so touched that he cried, just as I had aimed for:) Well done to myself. Plus(don't tell him), I purposely brought him to a japanese restaurant to let him have his favourite food. A little sacrifice I guess I can make:)

Feeling down

Came back to the UK, relieved with my newfound freedom, with unsettled feelings, I made Canterbury's Hales Place my new home. Sprained my ankle on a fun games' night cuz I fell off a flight of stairs. I know:( What a kill-joy right?

Got nominated and chosen as the junior committee in Malaysian society(happy yet unexpected), and started being given more responsibilities, got to start to learn how to juggle them well:P

N there's the short update on my life.

On another sadder note,I'm feeling pretty upset.(Tired of being the wallflower)

Stayed up a few hours more..*cough cough*, with my body temperature rising... Wanna sleep but my mind won't clear up...

Saw something that reminded me about what someone said before...

Old memories brought up by a meeting with Old best buddies

LOL saw this in the Art Gallery in KLCC and the literature gang turn on our thinking caps:P

Floyd:"those looked like faulty condoms judging by the colours"

I can never shake that out of my mind now:P Exploded condoms hahaha!!

I finally had a chance to meet up with my literature class gang and old stories started to pop up. At least Sam wasn't as weird as before? He used to drink all sorts of protein shakes everyday in class and one day someone asked him how it tasted like

Sam: "it tastes like cum" and walked away, speaking about a way to get ppl shocked in their tracks:P

Esther and Yee chieh began their lesbo acts again lol, n the story of their stalkers cam out one by one:P Hmm.. great memories:P

Me and my Poor Sense of Directions Bestie:) Only got to meet her for a short while before she went home, only to slave on her assignments again:( Sigh, I missed u loads dear. It's only cuz u requested that I finally start writing a post again:) Flattered much?

Quick Quick!! let Help's semester end as fast as possible. I want to see and talk n eat as much as possible with my bestie here!!!

Floyd and Esther:) They look lovely together:P

Yee Chieh and Esther!! The 2 leng luis in my lit. class:) Dare not take pic beside them hehehe.. scared later I become a wallflower liao:P

Sam, the biggie, p.s:My mom saw ur pic and said you grew thinner and more leng zai:) hehehe..

Easter Break trip

Look who I've met-Elton Luo from a tuition centre I went to when I was young.

I can't believe I could actually bump into someone I've never talked to before until now, he's quite friendly after all.

Hey, that's Captain Jack Sparrow:)

Manchester City In Monotone: The beautiful city in which I had the golden opportunity to see Sir Alex Ferguson, the manager of the Manchester United Football Club. Even though I don't watch football or show any particular interest in it like my boyfriend(ever devoted fan towards MU) does, I know I've met someone famous and special:) This is also the city where my boyfriend got my love rival(his Samsung SGS) pick-pocketed on the bus back from Old Trafford.
Overlooking the football pitch in Old Trafford.

I was there to gain a whole new experience of watching a football match in a stadium full of MU fans. I almost fell asleep half way through the match. After all the opponent-fullham is no match to MU, nowhere near them.

Merry christmas everyone!!
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A moment of silent thoughts

It has been 10 days indeed from the day I agreed to be his. N there I thought a platonic friendship could work. My! How wrong was I?? Tell me more about it...

They all say there is a first time for everything you do.
With those innocence in your eyes, and in my actions,
It is very beautiful indeed,
With Surreal expectations set,
Comes Disappointments and Fear,
guess I'm just a coward.

He believes in idealism, I believe in realism and my!! how do they conflict and our ideas differ??
We couldn't be more different.

Sometimes, hiding in my own corner, I wondered about how some events have taken onto their course, and decisions lead to consequences. How I wondered perhaps I could be in the wrong course? I love things I could apply to real life but when things becomes too complicated, I feel like giving up.

Staring up at the sky,
Blinking back my tears,
Trying to battle the weakness,
and cover them,
but i guess I've feelings after all,
and getting scolded continuously could really reduce just about anyone to tears,
As much as my pride stops me from showing my vulnerability,
It failed to take control of me this time.

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puzzled

It gets a bit hard for me to take this all in at once.. n now he pops da big question.. not tat i dun wanna think bout it, It's just tat it all comes so fast.. b4 I even hav da time to digest the change between us.. perhaps I was avoiding da question cuz I dun want it to happen lk it did with my ex? Perhaps I just need some time n having my pride, I wouldn't let myself be his so easily.. or probably I just need some time n some romantic gestures instead of just popping da question n pressuring me to answer.. I don't really know myself... It's just not how I would answer last time.. bout following my heart? Getting more n more sceptical bout love...

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Enjoying every second I could

Ecstasy.
Out of breath.
Searching. Deciding.
Contemplating of what matters most to me.
Kissing him under the moonlight overlooking the Canterbury Cathedral. Call me a die-hard romantic, but I'm glad it happened.
Shivering yet kept warm in his embrace, satisfied, we walked back home.

Twilight-breathtaking, n wishing i am with someone now

Meet Nicole a.k.a. Lik Ho:) Got to thank him loads for walking me home sometimes. The walk all the way home could be so lonely at times..*sob*

Super blur:) But I loved it!! the scenery behind me is so breathtaking!!Twilight!!

Happy belated birthday, Elina Protopappa, my always excited and jumpy hallmate. Oh did I forget to mention that I'm living in an all girls accomodation? ANd that one of my hallmates is a homosexual? I'm okay with her and all. But walking out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, I'll always be wary if she's outside. I don't wanna tempt her and look for trouble right?

Javi(super sexy voice he has) and Atiyah:)

Somehow I love this picture so much, ducks in their own habitats doing their own thing without a worry in the world. I finally had a serious talk to my british friend about what he did the night before that brought me to tears. I hope he doesn't becomes so insensitive again.

:) I'm so happy, shopping with Nick was a breeze. Had some lunch at Nando's yesterday. OH MY GOSH, creammy mashed potatoes, chicken breast garnished with hot peri peri sauce, and coselaw certainly lifted my spirits up for the day!! I saw loads of cushions and comfy pillows to furnish my bed with. BUT IT"S A FREAKING 12 POUNDS PRICE TO PAY FOR COMFORT!!! SCARY!! hm..Maybe I could just settle to persuading my friend,Eddy(the one who got himself a RM1500 leather jacket) to get me a Teddy bear for 15 pounds soon for my so-called birthday present:) WIsh me Luck, guys!!

Autumn in Canterbury

Dover:) Cross the road, and cars will stop to let u cross:) Take a ferry from here, you can get to France and visit Paris, the city of love. This encourages the spontaneous people to just hop on the ferry and there! PARIS, Eiffel tower!! Smoking Hot and romantic french guys!!

As the leaves turn brown to mark the beginning of autumn:), U wake up in the morning, open your windows, you won't realise it's morning. Sunlight is so rare here.

Best excuse to be late for class:

"I can't wake up because the sun did not greet me morning today"

I see ducks here, this was in Leeds Castle's premises.

* Farah(Guys, guess how old she is??She's 27 btw)*the ever cheeky bobby lee fan-Atiyah*and oops..I forgot her name again:P She fell off her bike and had seven stitches on her chin because of that.

The scenery here in Canterbury is so pretty, I wish to whip out my camera during my walk home to snap a picture to prolong that beauty. Sadly, I don't have a camera phone with me .

Overlooking the field, you see loads of quaint buildings,and by far the canterbury cathedral is the tallest building amongst all. I've heard that any buildings that were build were only allowed to build at a height shorter than the cathedral. :) Strange eh, guys?

Besides, I love it here, basically it's all so great, beautiful and welcoming. But, I feel so homesick. I was in need of the loos at night one day in the city centre, rushed to the public toilet only to realise, it's over office hours, and even answering a nature's call will have to wait until I get home. It was closed after 5, could you believe that??

I wish the rain could mask my tears!!

I couldn't find the ingredients I need for asian cooking.

Got this in reply:" U're in an English country, doubt u'll get much chinese food here, snap out of it!" *sob*

I guess they couldn't understand. I feel homesick and that made me feel even worse. Then when i was checking out at the counter, it was my first time, he got frustrated and helped me instead while scolding me all the way unti I flinched. Sat alone in the bus, while my british friend went to chat with his housemates.

Then I remembered something my hallmate told me before. She felt so homesick she made out with a guy who's ugly to her just because she needed a good hug. Hmmm.. I think I could relate to that. Guess I really crave a good hug right now:(

That's all from me. Nick, Jeremy and James, I really miss you guys!! Nick, I prefer shopping with u much more. Jeremy and james, I miss you!! I miss how u could both be so understanding. Kuan yu and Sam, I missed the days where we would eat a thai lunch and eat all we want at petaling street. Sherry, Poh Yen and Koh Han, you're probably my best shopping mates:) We have similar taste!!

Toodles for now, sorry to end my post on a sad note. But I'll be okay soon enough:)

XOXO guys!! Hope to see you all soon!!

I miss my granny:( I wish she could fly over here and accompany me..

The way she cooks so well with ease

and the way she is capable of doing everything with her age,

the way she listens to my stories and accounts of my daily life without scolding or nagging at me,

the way she just pampers us with good food:( I miss her loads..

Experiencing a new culture

Firstly, I went drinking with my coursemates:Philip, Lik Ho, and his sis, Wan Yiee:) *With loads or reluctance and hesitations* Drank 3 shots in a row and almost stumbled down the stairs halfway during bar crawling. I know, I'm such a bad drinker right guys? N sadly I've not met my very own Clark Kent yet. Hope u guys aren't thinking that he's my new bf or sth, because he's taken:) N I am a good girl, I don't go for guys who r taken. N thanks to him, I wasn't drunk cuz he drank the rest of my shots:) Weeee~~!!

Wan yiee, Phillip and me:)I'm all red n dizzy here already, Pity me:(

Nicole a.k.a. Lick who,me, Philip and Aveena:)

Going international now:) Jabriel(spanish)p.s.:when he speaks, I can almost melt!! His voice is so sexy!! Nick from brunei, and Joe from Malaysia as well!!

And for the first time in my whole 18th years of life, I CLIMBED A TREE:) Weee~~!! It is such an accomplishment

I'm leaving the country!!!

Wooohooo!!! I looked at my calendar n gasped, I am flying off to the UK next Friday.

I can't help myself from feeling all afraid and anxious to know what comes next. After all, by leaving home, I'm leaving my comfort zone-my family and my sweetest friends.

I shall not land at Timbuktu, I shall not land at Timbuktu!! As if by chanting it, I won't land at the wrong country:P That's to u, esther and kuan yew:) I shall find my way, and conquer my bad sense of direction.

Permissible outrage

College days is over, waiting for A level results and I got rejected by Great Eastern for the scholarship.
How miserable can things go?? Good luck, Joshua and May Ling, looking forward to see u both come out in the newspaper all glorious and beaming after winning the scholarship. You have my full support!! :)

BOO yaaa!! I got myself a cocktail dress for this Saturday. That sweet red hot piece of dress costs me RM169!! I did the maths n realised, that equals to roughly 30 hours of work. SIgh..all gone just like that.

To my utmost horror, when i came back, My mom told me that my dad ain't gonna let me wear it to the wedding dinner, because it's too low at the front:( DAd!! It's just part of the cleavage that could be seen, AND I"M ALREADY 19, I dun Need your permission for this. Not being rude, but just being reasonable.

They say "Road Kill", I say Anxiety Kills!

It has been 3 working days since last Friday, but I have not gotten wind of any news or any call from Great Eastern. May Ling and Xin Chean both got their calls of whether they're shortlisted or not for the next round. SIGh.. I hope the call comes now or tomorrow, be it a yes or no, I WANT AN ANSWER...

WEEEeeeeeeee! I passed my undang test.

What a surprise, my name came up in the newspapers!! wee haaa!! :) Bristol, Babe!!

Scholarships and the headaches involved

OOpsie It's been 3 months or so since I've last touch this blog.

Just a quickie update for u guys.
I've been so busy and obsessed in applying for sholarships and waiting for news patiently yet totally forgot to worry about my a level results.

First Shell, Got disappointed, phone interview didn;t go well cuz they did not send me an email to prepare me as promised. Everything asked was answered inpromtu:( Soon wei got his e mail!!! That's so unfair.

Then the next few weeks the reply from Uni of Kent and Maxis came, another huge disappointment and waste of time cum effort.
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Suddenly, this monday, after scheduling a meet up with my besties for a makan session in Petaling St, I had to cancel with them cuz I've just received a call from Great Eastern saying I am shortlisted for their preliminary scholarship assessment essay. The best thing was, I'm supposed to finish the essay in 24 hours time. I feel so sorry that i had to ffk on my friends, but if i do get this, I'll surely belanja all of you a haagen daaz ice cream:) Soon wei, I know i still owe you one, by the time i get my paycheck, U'll get your treat as promised.

The next day presented another boring task to complete-ATTEND A 7 HOURS UNDANG TALK.

2 days after I wrote my essay, I thought I could finally rest and get a good night's sleep. Another call came, this time, I'm shortlisted for their panel interviews the next day itself. Imagine my excitement and nerve wrecking moments.

First we were shown to a living hall to have a breakfast together with the other 13 shortlisted applicants. I saw Xin chean too:) Finally I found a school mate I'm acquainted with. 2 Assessment tests was given, one an IQ test, comprising of general knowledge, Mathematics and also our knowledge of the insurance company. The next one was just a simple essay:) Loved writing it!

After an hour's wait, all three judges of the panel came. Imagine our shock when we realised we were going to get interviewed by 3 judges in a glass room!!! We were arranged in pairs to save time, the interviewers were a bit intimidating, but the friendly atmosphere they created made us comfortable and at ease, performing our best in the first. I made a few major blunders in the first interview with the 2 ladies. Sigh..hope they don't penalise me for that.

The second interview with a guy who's said to be quite sharp by those who got interviewed turned out to be quite encouraging. He actually told me and my partner, he was quite impressed with the both of us. I was beaming, smiling foolishly from ear to ear like a Cheshire cat. :>

But what truly scares me is that my partner did way better than I did, as she knows what she is expecting in the Actuarial Science field as she had an internship with an Actuarial consultant company. I'm not being humble, it's the harsh truth.

After that I had a destress session with Jun yong, Kuan yu, and Samuel. It was really nice to see Sam's face when he loses haha!! He lost his manhood, he said after losing to me. LOL

That's all from me.

The closer u get to someone, the harder it is for u to part with them

My bro asked me to join him for an ice skating trip to sunway pyramid again last saturday. This time, it was with his friends. Hey hey hey, it's a pretty good exercise for our lower backs. Now i have a slight line down the middle of my back. yippeee!! For a girl who has zero muscles on her body, that provides a reason for celebration. At first, it was pretty awkward with his friends since i don't even know them. And then One of the guys tried to teach me how to skate properly not walk on ice. It's something nice that someone actually offered to teach me, unlike my bro who syoks sendiri skating as fast as he could not minding me at all. Albeit the awkward part of him holding my hand while teaching me, i guess i did my best. By the end of the day, i can skate wit a lil'-less risk of dropping. Yay!!

Our A levels results came out on wednesday. I must admit even though i did quite well( not bragging, just being to happy with them) in most of them, I'm still pretty disappointed when i saw i got a BIG FAt horrendous C polluting my results sheet on my Eng Literature subject. Sigh, made the most effort for it, lets me down the most. 1 more mark to B some more. Thank God i dropped the subject. Good riddance, and a better timetable for me. Cheers peeps!:>

We brought Izzie back for the weekend. Our handsome Golden retriever certainly steals the hearts of many. My bro brought him up Broga hill. Izzie became an instant celebrity amongst the girls and hikers there. Well, what to say, even my good looking bro was ignored when they saw Izzie. Love her so much, but it felt like something was missing when i open the door on monday. She wasn't there to take her string to me, asking for a walk. I miss her.